Pretending
by gaykittens
Summary: Oerba doesn't feel like home anymore. Oneshot. Fang/Vanille.


Fang wasn't surprised to see Vanille missing from the bed across from hers.

She needed sleep, but she knew she wouldn't get any if Vanille weren't there. She stood up, careful not to disturb Lightning or Hope, who were sleeping silently in the same room. She didn't know where Snow had gone, but Lightning had made it clear she wasn't going to tolerate his snoring so she figured he'd set up camp in one of the nearby buildings. She assumed Sazh was with him.

As Fang stood up and wrapped her sari around her, a small toy fell out of one of the folds within it. Right, the chocobo. She'd found it yesterday and was planning to give it to Vanille. She picked it up and tucked it back inside her sari, and started to make her way toward the schoolhouse.

Vanille was sitting on the roof of the building beside one of the rows of flowers, running her fingers lightly against their stems. Just like Fang thought. Vanille had always loved to spend free time on the roof, so much so that half the time it'd been like pulling teeth just to get her to go anywhere else. Vanille had been the one who'd first started planting flowers up there and she used to obsess over them as if they were her babies. Fang had never really understood their appeal, but over the years she'd grown to like them, too, simply because they made Vanille happy. Fang was amazed that they were still growing and hadn't yet been smothered by the crystal dunes that seemed to have consumed everything else.

"Knew you'd be here," she said, softly.

Vanille spun around, startled. "Oh."

"Couldn't sleep, huh?"

Vanille turned back to the flowers, smiling a little. "Yeah."

Fang walked up and sat beside her. "Me neither."

Vanille was hurting, and Fang knew. It didn't matter what her face looked like or what she said or how much she'd try to deny it. Fang had known Vanille for so long that it was almost like they had some sort of telepathic connection that told her exactly what the small girl was feeling, regardless of the situation. She looked down, scratching the back of her head, trying to find the right words. She'd never been good at this kind of stuff. "Vanille...you know...if you wanna talk or something, I'm here."

Vanille turned to Fang and smiled-a sad smile, almost with a hint of cynicism that Fang didn't think she'd ever seen before. God damn it_._ Anyone could feel the pain coming from that smile. "I'm fine," Vanille said softly. "I mean...there isn't really anything to say, is there?"

Fang sighed and knew she was right. She hated hearing Vanille say things that were right.

Vanille was supposed to be the optimistic one who could drag everyone else out of reality and make them feel better, even if just for a few moments. But she'd grown now. She'd grown colder, more realistic, more cynical. _More like me_, Fang thought.

She couldn't stand it.

"I wanted to show you something I found," Fang said suddenly, remembering. She reached into her sari and pulled out the small stuffed toy. Vanille's eyes brightened.

"My chocobo!" Vanille squealed, taking it from Fang and holding it to her chest. "You found it!"

She was smiling. A real smile, this time. Fang was proud of herself-proud that she still had the ability to make Vanille smile with that warmth and childish wonder that she loved so damn much. It felt like it had been such a long time since she'd last seen that smile.

Fang chuckled a little and found herself reminiscing. "I worked for days on that damn thing," she said. "I didn't even know how to sew when I started." Fang looked down at her hands and could almost still feel the pricks she'd created on nearly all of her fingertips in the process of making the bloody toy.

"But you learned," Vanille said, still smiling. "So you could make it for me. And you fixed it for me every time it got torn." She held it out and admired the toy, running her fingers against the rough seams that had been mended countless times.

"Yeah." Fang smiled, blushing a little. She didn't feel as if it were something to be proud of. It was just something she'd done without thinking. Anything to make Vanille smile was something Fang would do. Hell, she would've made Vanille _twenty_ chocobo toys if it would've made her happy. Just seeing that smile was enough payment in return.

"Thank you," Vanille mumbled softly. "Thank you..."

Fang simply smiled. Trying to snap herself out of her reminiscing, she found herself staring at the outline of Vanille's shoulders, highlighted by the stars and the light of Cocoon. She was taken aback a little. Vanille was so fucking _beautiful_, just as beautiful as she had been over five hundred years before in this exact spot. She wanted so badly to embrace Vanille and trace the outline of her body with her fingertips, lingering on and poking the sides of her stomach and chest so Vanille would squeal and laugh like she always did. She'd always been so ticklish...

"Fang?" Vanille said, softly, interrupting her reflection, and Fang kicked herself for letting her mind get carried away again.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." She paused, then added, "Not just for the chocobo. For everything. For being here."

Fang smiled and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You don't ever have to thank me for that. Long as you're around, I'm always gonna be right here." Fang sounded cheesy as hell, but she couldn't have been more honest.

Vanille sniffled and Fang could see that she was close to crying. "I wish we could go back. To before all of this. Just you and me, here in Oerba. Together." A tear fell from her eye and landed on her cheek.

Fuck. Seeing Vanille cry was definitely Fang's least favorite thing. "Hey, we're here now," Fang replied softly. "Things are different, but it's still you and me. There are still flowers. You've still got your chocobo." She brushed away Vanille's tear with her thumb. "We're home. We should celebrate that, huh?"

Vanille sniffled. "It feels like we're pretending..."

She was right. But Fang wasn't going to let her cry. "Yeah, well, sometimes it's okay to pretend." She smiled. "I learned that from you, y'know."

Vanille turned to face her, and Fang thought she was going to say something. Instead, Vanille shut her eyes and suddenly there was a set of cool, dry lips pressed against Fang's.

Fang's eyes widened in surprise-but that sure as hell didn't last long. As soon as she realized what was happening she shut her eyes and wrapped her arms around the small girl, hands gliding over goosebumps on cold skin. The kiss was salty and clumsy, Vanille's chapped lips sticking slightly to Fang's as they came together and apart over and over.

Vanille was the one to fully break the kiss and it ended far sooner than Fang expected or wanted it to. She freed the girl from her arms, and suddenly Vanille gasped and her expression changed dramatically as she realized what had just happened.

"I'm...I'm sorry!" she shrieked, blushing deeply and putting her hands up in front of her mouth-something she always did when she was embarrassed. "I got over emotional...I don't know what I was thinking!"

Fang stared at her, genuinely shocked at first. Then she started laughing.

"Why the _hell_ are you apologizing?"

Vanille's eyes were wider than Fang had ever seen. "I just...I'm...I didn't think...y-you..."

Fang hadn't genuinely laughed this much since long before she'd become a l'Cie. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to kiss you."

Fang watched silently as Vanille slowly tried to process this information, and the facial expressions that ensued had Fang laughing even harder. She felt uncharacteristically giddy, almost like she was drunk; normally she would have chastised herself for acting this childish and vulnerable, but right now she was too damn happy to care. "Don't laugh at me!" Vanille cried, covering her face again, and before she realized it they were both laughing. Vanille had become a hysterical mixture of embarrassment, sadness, and giddiness all at once: she kept sniffling between giggles, trying to wipe the wetness from her face and slow her breathing in an attempt to regain her composure.

After calming down a bit, Fang gently grabbed Vanille's hands and lowered them from her face, lacing their fingers together.

"Feeling better now?" she asked, grinning wildly.

Vanille was still bright red, but she smiled a tiny sheepish smile. "Yeah." There was a tiny pause, and Vanille looked back down at the chocobo toy beside her, taking a slow breath.

"Fang, I love you."

Fang looked the girl directly in the eyes. "I love you too. You better not ever forget that, you hear me?"

Vanille nodded.

Fang let go of Vanille's hands, looked down into her lap and chuckled at herself. "Blah blah blah, mushy love talk," she scoffed.

Vanille smiled. "What should we do now?" she asked.

Fang knew exactly what she wanted to do, but she knew for sure she wasn't going to screw this up-whatever the hell _this_ was-by pushing too hard. "Whatever you want, missy."

Vanille looked up at the sky and Fang estimated there were still several hours before any of the others would stir. Vanille looked down for a moment, then back up at Fang, and there was a shy teasing in her eyes. She smiled impishly. "I want to pretend for a little while longer."

Fang's lips erupted into a grin and she slowly leaned over Vanille. She leaned back to accomodate her, supporting herself with one arm, and with the other she grabbed Fang's sari and pulled her forward much quicker than Fang was expecting. Vanille started to giggle but was quickly cut off by Fang's lips and tongue, and Vanille threw her arms around her neck.

Maybe they were just pretending, lying here on this rooftop among this heap of gray desolation that used to be their home. They would wake up tomorrow and everything would be just as fucked up as it was the day before. They didn't have a single damn reason to have hope for the future.

But as she could feel Vanille's lips forming a smile while they kissed, Fang couldn't have cared less.

She'd pretend for the rest of eternity if it'd make her smile.


End file.
